Leaving Luxor
We had planned and thought we had covered my tracks. The west Bank mafia would control the departure. I had to convince them it was a normal visa run. Lesley backed me up by pretending she was going to the airport too.
It started innocently enough, on the phone to Colette. I was so upset and she is both a good enough friend to hear the tone of my voice and she makes shit happen. While I was on Facebook phone to her and explaining the whole sorry saga she said you have to get out now. She contacted my daughter and begged for a refuge for me. Found the flights, Luxor to Cairo and Cairo to Heathrow, booked them. Sent me the confirmation. Sorted out a coach from Heathrow to Cardiff. I just had to wait until Monday and hold it together and not let Mahmoud suspect this was not a normal visa run but I was escaping with my two suitcases.
I had been increasingly unhappy for years but the red line had just been crossed, He hit me, only once and not hard, more like a slap but I was not stupid (or perhaps I was). I knew it would continue and I had to get out.
But with mobility issues and every taxi driven by one of his relatives I had to get to the airport discretely and safely.
I had started analysing myself, it wasn’t exactly his fault he was of his culture and I presented myself as a willing victim. Although professionally I was a great success I had practically no personal self-confidence and had gone through abuse before; marriages, cult, upbringing all had made me feel worthless.
But someone had come back into my life that I had known 35 years ago and he thought I was fabulous. I realised that that my perception of myself was flawed and that had started a long, long time ago.
When I was in my late teens I had a tarot reading, now I don’t really believe in those kinds of things but it was a bit spooky. She forecast the death of a close family member and my grandfather did die shortly afterwards. She also said she had never seen someone with so many men in their life. Well that bit is certainly true, boyfriends, marriages, one night stands OMG I definitely like men. But I choose very badly.
Stealing Aged 6
It is probably my earliest memory but it had its routes before I was born. My mum and dad were both 30; unusual in those times 1950’s. They had to get married, my mum always denied it but they married in Sept and I was born in March. My mum said I was 3 months premature, yeah right, not in 1955.
Mum was very independent and I think she resented having to give up her job, political career and become a housewife. I suspect I picked up those vibes. She was never cruel merely not engaged. I was the reason she was thrust into this role and she didn’t want it.
Dad was in the army and then worked in export sales. Not there a lot and not very responsible, in fact down right feckless. Mum aspired to be middle class and he let her down by messing up with money even though he had a good job.
When I was 6, at school Mum was called up to the school because I had been caught stealing. She was mortified; it was her tragedy, it was not mine. I was not asked why. I remember her lying down on her bed sobbing her heart out and I was standing in the doorway watching. Dad was away in some foreign country.
Of course it was a classic cry for attention and also a desire to buy friendship. I was so bloody lonely. No one was interested in me. I stood out. My uniform was not the same as everyone else’s, my hair was messy. I am 5th from the right in the second row but I think I am easy to spot. I didn’t look like the other little girls.
Arrested aged 11
This pattern of stealing so I could buy friends continued. I stole change from the house, dad’s luncheon vouchers and bought sweets so I would have friends. Age 11 I went out with two friends on a spree. We went to practically every shop; I remember the John Bull printing set so big things as well. Then we went and stashed the swag and went out again. This time we got caught but obviously not with a lot so we got off with a caution. I seriously can’t remember any parental reaction; surely there must have been some. Why didn’t they ask me why?
The school spotted that I troubled and referred my to a child psychologist. The same professional my mum was going to for evening classes! She wanted to be able to provide a better service as a local councillor. Obviously her daughter wasn’t important and once again I had embarrassed her.
Losing my cherry aged 15
When I was 15, old enough for a National Insurance card I got a job in Tesco’s as a Saturday girl. The manager and assistant manager must have thought all their Christmases’ had come true at once. It was practically part of the recruitment process that you had sex with one or other of them. I got the assistant manager; Tony Harold aged 21 and married. We were chasing each other round the store and other girls noticed. Eventually we went on a date and in a pub car park he had his wicked way. That is not fair as I was more than up for it and it was 1970, people did have a lot of casual sex. Afterwards I told him I was a virgin, he was surprised, I guess all that horse riding had had an effect, but he was not shocked.
We had a relationship for quite a few months and he even came to my house and met my parents. Who again made no comment and didn’t challenge either of us. I remember ironing his shirt so he could go out and meet another girl. AND I THOUGHT THAT MEANT I WAS SPECIAL. What was that about?
I then went on to have a string of brief liaisons, desperately searching for attention, love and affection. Of course I didn’t find it.
Arrested and charged aged 18
I had grand plans to join the army and become a physiotherapist. I did a pre hospital course at Lewis Tech and then went on to do an OND in Science at Crawley tech. In a class of some 20 boys and 2 girls would you believe there was someone I knew. Colin Bird who had been at Oakmeeds my secondary school. He had gone to Zambia at the beginning of the 4th year as his dad was working out there and come back after 3 years.
We quickly became an item and what with the commuting Burgess Hill to Crawley, our relationship and complete lack of parental support I did really badly on the course. How I scraped through the first year I don’t know. We got engaged between the first and second year but it is also when I got caught stealing again. In Tesco’s where I worked I would take food from the deli counter and get a load of Green shield stamps so they looked like a genuine load of shopping. This a huge mistake as my offence was not just stealing but fraud. I got convicted, fined 40 quid for fraud and a criminal record. So the end of my army dreams.
What with that and my poor performance at college I had a real struggle to decide what to do next.
The idea of retaking my second year of the OND, then doing 3 years training to be a physio and having to live with my parents all that time was intolerable. I had been engaged two years by now and felt I would be happier married.
Married aged 20
Again this was not something my
parents and I discussed, I had no advice or input. So we got married. Colin
joined the fire brigade and we started married life in Crawley. It was ok until
the strike. This put a lot of strain on relationships, not only ours. We got a
housing association place in East Grinstead and I had to change my job from a
project assistant at Redifon Flight Simulation to an accounts clerk at
Rentokill. I don’t really know why our marriage broke down but Colin started an
affair with a girl in the control room. We told our respective parents we were
having a break. After I had been at home 2 years my mum finally asked is this
permanent!
Divorced aged 25
When we separated I took a job in London working for a bureau de change working nightshift. The only people that change money at night are prostitutes and policemen so I met an interesting collection of people. I thought what on earth to do next. I could not go back to engineering with no qualifications and as a female. In those days there were TOPS course, you could get retraining and get paid. So I did a City and Guilds in computer programming. I was a natural fit and did really well. In fact I got a distinction. I also got a job starting on the Monday when I finished the course on the Friday. I worked for a small company called Incomputer and after one year it was taken over by a big company called CMG. I really blossomed professionally. One year my salary went from 8k to 12k, I got promotion, I bought my own house and passed my driving test. I got headhunted by Hoskyns. Life was great But…
I felt unfulfilled, I felt there should be something else.
I did meet a great guy called John but he was just recovering from his own marital disaster and he ended it feeling it was not fair to me.
I went on a series of more transitory encounters, OMG what with disease and pregnancy I could have had a disaster but I got away with it.
One night, coming back on the tube crying my eyes out a very personable young man came up to me and asked if going to a Bible discussion would help.
Cult
I had been met by a member of the London Church of Christ, A fast growing evangelical group. I asked my father about them but he only knew the traditional church and gave them a clean bill of health. He was wrong; this was an American breakaway group. I was very lonely so thought I had found new friends. I didn’t realise they had an agenda. I did everything they asked, moved house to accommodate more female members, drove one girl to Germany but they were not satisfied because I was still independent in my thoughts. They were always trying to break my perceived pride. They made me have my cat put down; I put the cat before them.
I met a man in the church and our friendship was encouraged. He was a Muslim who had converted. Their star convert. On the surface he was a committed member but once we got together there were things that they didn’t know about.
He stole a credit card that was delivered to his shared house and was caught. He was done for fraud. I paid for a lawyer and told no one. He said he had told someone but now I suspect he hadn’t.
We were both older members of the church so were allowed to progress our relationship. Although at one point they moved everyone out of my house and left me paying the mortgage on my own. All part of breaking me.
He wedding was organised by Emma Scott nee Day. If you think a bride’s mother is bad for taking over you haven’t seen a cult wedding.
Ayman didn’t get a job but that wasn’t too bad as my job was very highly paid but when we wanted to have children it was more of a problem. Ayman got a lot of money from another member called George Wall and he spent it on the most stupid unnecessary stuff. TV’s, video players and satellite dishes. As for our finances, despite giving him £1,800 a month I still had to clear his credit card bills. I paid all the mortgage, insurance, tax etc he only had to buy petrol and food. Just before he died in 2002 I was getting 10,000 a month from my company and we still had a massive overdraft.
Amira
In 1990 we decided to try for a child, I was 35 so it became an issue. My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage but the doctor reassured us it was ok to try again. He just said could you wait until you get out of my office, most amusing.
Amira was born 20 September 1990; I had to have a C-section and ended up staying in hospital for 10 days. Whilst I was there Ayman had the chimney breasts removed and the house re-carpeted. We were still in the cult so I had masses of flowers and cards. I bought the entire baby stuff from some cult leaders who were returning to the US. Car seats, baths, chest of drawers, bouncy cradle and all the clothes for the first year.
Leaving the Cult
All the time I was there pressure was put on you to bring visitors and convert them. I was useless at this and was given a hard time. A really hard time, Ayman was good at it and what with being an ex Muslim they loved him. He didn’t have any income, his family had but him off so I guess I was most attractive having a good job, house and car. In retrospect I have no idea what he really felt about me. I took him at his word, his mother had killed herself because he had converted and his brother had come to the UK to kill him. More about that later. I believed everything he told me.
When we had Amira it put a different perspective on the cult, there were things that were off before but when you asked to take a 6 week old baby out on a November night evangelising you start seeing their advice wasn’t always the best. Ayman and I agreed about this and this was radical as you only respected the opinions of other cult members because any one else was being used by Satan. Then we started talking about other things, he knew about financial irregulraties with tape sales being used as pocket oney by the evangelists and I knew about payroll and tax affairs we tried to talk to the leaders about this. Thinking because they were American perhaps they didn’t know UK law. Our points were dismissed and we were perceived as troublemakers. Struggling Christians. We were contacted by some journalists and said we were worried they were turning into a cult. Then we were disfellowshipped. We were on our own with a new baby. Them we started to campaign against them worning others.
and Ayman would help
people leave. https://tolc.org/ is an archive
of our campaign
We appeared on a radio program https://youtu.be/BuPz8-qziOU Relative Values and told our story. I have written a book about it Counting the Cost https://www.janeakshar.com/my-books/counting-the-cost/
